Getting away for a retreat from the "retreat" :) and the battle of letting the control go...

At 8 am I am leaving the house for the homeschooling mums retreat until Sunday. It is a long drive of several hours and It is the first time I am leaving the household by myself in the past few years.

I Have been anxious, trying to organize things for the family to be smooth while I am away.

I gave numerous instructions on how to eat, sleep, feed animals, keep an eye on the dog (who escaped twice for the last two weeks) and got up at 4.45 am today as I could not sleep being overwhelmed with emotions.

It is so strange as I am supposed to be excited, not anxious.

I ask myself what is the real reason for all these feelings?

Is it giving out control? And the subconscious fear that they will understand I am not all that important and they can easily enjoy life without me? Would it be a discovery bringing the relief and the feeling of being proud of my family or the selfish childish tears when they find out they are not the center of the world? This is really really not the adult person thinking.

After a bit of a consideration I came to the conclusion that more likely it is the fact of changing the familiar into the unknown.

It always brings emotional turmoil and I haven't figured out yet how to deal with the sudden changes of the routine.

I love when the things are predictable, when I have an ability to decide what the next hour will look like and have a clear idea of what to expect of it.

For some people it is boring but for some - the flavor of life that leaves energy to create. And isn't it great that we are all wonderfully different?

So I decided (with the cleared up mind after listening to my rooster for an hour while I was doing my morning practices) I will accept the fact that for the next three days I will not have to produce anything - I will absorb, get new ideas, relax and get give control to someone else (to the certain extent :)